This article was written by Anna Sanders MSc GMBPsS
Wherever we are, societies are governed by ‘social norms’ - shared social rules that help
guide our behaviours and decision-making. These norms can influence us at a subconscious
level, being ingrained into the very fabric of who we are.
Each country and culture celebrate different norms. For example, saying “bless you” after
someone sneezes or greeting someone with a hug and kiss on the cheek. We define
‘normal’ behaviours or appearances as those that conform to the local social norms in a
given society.
While social norms can help connect us in a collective way, it is equally important to
remember and celebrate our individuality. As people, we are unique and different from one
another. Just as our genetic makeup creates unique fingerprints and bodies, our personal
experiences weave together to form distinct personalities and values. Differences can be
visible, such as in our physical appearance, or less visible, such as in neuro=divergence,
personalities, or gender identities.
So, what does it mean to be normal, anyway? Below are some top tips for celebrating
difference:
1) Identify other positive qualities that make you unique - List at least 5 positive
qualities and reaffirm each one by writing examples of it being in action. For example,
‘I am a caring – I listened to my friend’s problem and offered advice’. Sometimes
being kind to ourselves is challenging – ask a family member or friend to help you.
Continue growing the list with more positive examples.
2) Be curious and educate yourself - Recognise your own and other’s differences;
ask questions to learn about others and expand your worldview. Acknowledge that
you may not understand it yet but be willing to learn. In situations where we may not
have lived experience with or be educated about, it is okay to feel discomfort.
Usually, people are more than happy to share their experiences, and it helps to share
yours too.
3) Negate negative thoughts – Our brains are clever and tend to be critical towards
ourselves yet kind to others. Imagine what you would say to a friend. For example, if
a friend said, ‘I don’t want to go out tonight, I’m worried everyone will stare at me’,
you could say ‘you can handle this, you have done this many times before, and we
are here to support you’.
4) Challenge stereotypes and biases – Actively challenge and speak out against
stereotypes, prejudices, and discriminatory behaviours. This will help to encourage
an inclusive and open safe space for respectful conversations. Develop a simple and
comfortable narrative to talk about your difference. For example, ‘I was born with a
gap in my lip, and I was operated on when I was younger. It doesn’t hurt me. Do you
also have a visible difference?’
5) Remember, everyone has differences and these aren’t always visible
I hope that if someone says, ‘you’re not normal’, to feel a sense of pride and respond with a
thank you!
To find out more around visible difference, check out Changing Faces.
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